TMI
by Grymme
Summary: Craig and his gang discuss their wiener sizes. Tyde with hints of Creek


It was lunch time at South park elementary and a certain group of fourth graders were sat at the lunch table, No one was actually eating they were more or less just playing with their food or in Craig's case just staring at it, Cafeteria food isn't really the same ever since Chef died.

Silence loomed over the table as no one seemed to have anything to say…that is until a certain brunette named Clyde Donovan spoke.

"Hey remember the time when we measured all our penis sizes and posted it for all the people to see?"

This sentence caught the attention of his friends or rather most of his friends, as they all stared at him.

"Of course we do, it only happened just a few months ago, why'd you ask?" a curious Token said.

"So what's yours?" Clyde asked, He was grinning smugly.

And thus their topic of the day was penis sizes, and while yes it might be odd for a bunch of mere nine to ten year-olds to discuss such a thing, Clyde was certainly enjoying it.

"Dude, why the hell would you want to know?" Token asked, he was a bit surprised at Clyde's question.

"I just want to compare." Clyde shrugged.

"No need to hide anything Clyde, we've always known you were gay." Craig deadpanned.

"Shut up Craig, no one asked for your opinion!" Clyde yelled.

Craig only responded by giving him the middle finger.

"Whatever, I bet you guys are way too much of a pussy to tell anyway, I bet yours are all tiny compared to mine." Clyde whined.

Token sighed, He knew that Clyde will just continue on complaining if he doesn't get what he wants, sometimes he thinks that Clyde's an improved version of Cartman. So to shut the guy up he promptly told him his size.

"I am 2.2 inches."

"HAHAHAHA!" Clyde laughed loudly, he was laughing so hard that tears were running down his face.

"AY SHUT UP CLYDE!" Cartman yelled, he and his friends were all sat up on the other side of the cafeteria but apparently Clyde's laugh was loud enough to disturb them.

Soon enough Clyde's laughing had been reduced to mere snickering; he wiped a tear in his eye and continued talking…

"So I guess what they say about the blacks isn't true huh Token? Clyde teased.

"Dude we're like ten years old, it'll still grow." Token shrugged.

"Whatever you say Tokey-poo…What about you Craig. What's your size?" Clyde asked.

"I thought you didn't want my opinion?" Craig said back.

"Well I am not asking for your opinion, I am asking for your penis size." Clyde argued.

"Same as Token's" Craig replied, whilst flipping off Clyde once more.

Clyde covered his mouth to try and stop his laughter, Craig just glared at him.

"Alright -hehe- , how about you Tweek?" Clyde said, snickering between words.

The blonde haven't been really listening to the conversation since he was busy mumbling conspiracies to himself, it took a few nudges from Craig to get his attention.

"W-what ?"

"What's your penis size Tweek?" Clyde asked tactlessly.

"ARRRGH! T-That's too much pressure!" Tweek responded.

"Just tell us!" Clyde persuaded.

"I-I don't remember, Oh Jesus what if it c-comes up in a test and -ngg- I don't remember mine? I'll fail and I'll h-have to sell myself to slavery!" Tweek panicked.

"I doubt that question will come up on any test Tweek…" Token assured him.

"What kind of person doesn't remember their penis size that's lame dude" Clyde argued.

"GAH!"

"Tweek are you sure you don't remember? Clyde's going to whine the whole day if he doesn't get what he wants." Token asked.

"If I do r-remember then I would have told him by now." Tweek replied.

"Tweek is 1.45 inches…" Craig sighed.

The other three looked at Craig in surprise, Clyde was the first one to recover from the shock so he was the first to ask a question.

"Why the hell do you know that?"

"They were posted back then and I saw." Craig shrugged.

"I d-don't even remember it." Tweek fussed.

"Dude, that's pretty gay." Clyde stated.

"Clyde you're asking us about our penis sizes…isn't that gay too?" Token pointed out.

"Of course not, because I am comparing sizes, Craig's just probably stalking Tweek." Clyde said.

"OH JESUS NO, GET THE H-HELL AWAY FROM ME C-CRAIG!" Tweek shouted.

"Calm the fuck down Tweek, I am not stalking you." Craig flipped Tweek off.

"But anyway getting back to the topic yours is pretty small Tweek, It's probably because you drink coffee a lot, I read somewhere that it stuns growth, maybe it stuns penis growth too?" Clyde said.

"You can read?" Craig mocked.

"Of course I can, you stalker." Clyde angrily said.

"Well now that you know all of our sizes can we leave now?" Token said.

"Wait…I haven't told you mine yet!" Clyde protested.

"No one really cares…" Craig said indifferently.

"Shut up Craig!" Clyde spouted.

"Yeah -nng-,I d-don't really care to be honest." Tweek muttered.

"Yup, me too." Token agreed.

"Screw you guys, I am getting new friends." Clyde huffed.

"Go ahead, we don't want some weirdo who randomly asks for your penis size as a friend." Craig deadpanned.

"Shut up Craig!" Clyde once again angrily said.

"Guys lunch break's almost over…we should really leave now." Token said.

"I a-agree with Token -nng- what if we get late and we get expelled, we won't be able to go to highschool or college or even a job, we'll be forced to sell ourselves to slavery!" Tweek muttered.

"What's up with you and slavery?" Craig asked.

"Gah! S-stay away from m-e…" Tweek said sharply.

"Dude, I am not stalking you." Craig responded.

"We should really go now guys." Token said impatiently.

"WILL YOU PEOPLE SHUT UP AND LET ME TELL YOU MY PENIS SIZE?!" Clyde yelled, luckily no one else heard as they were the only ones left in the cafeteria as the rest have already went to their respective classes.

The other three just stared at him in response.

"Well ANYWAY! About my penis size, it's 2.3 inches if you all must know." Clyde said smugly.

"So are we supposed to be impressed?" Token asked.

"Not only am I the cutest guy in fourth grade, I also have the biggest penis out of all of you three…you should all be impressed." Clyde said haughtily.

"Dude you're only bigger by .1 cm, that isn't really much…"Craig said.

"Oh please you're just jelly." Clyde smirked.

Craig flipped him off once more and then left to go back to class, Token and Tweek soon followed as there was no arguing with the Clyde…not unless you want to hear him whine.

Clyde then stood on top of the lunch table and did a little victory dance, This was one of the best days of his life, knowing you have the biggest wiener out of all your friends was the best feeling ever.

* * *

Ten years later

"Uughhhh" Clyde moaned as he struggled to get of his bed, his hips hurt with every little movement; He eventually gave up on trying to stand and just went back to lying down and cuddling with his boyfriend.

"Clyde, you already awake?" Token asked he was beside Clyde the whole time but had only recently awakened.

"Yeah." Clyde responded, wincing a little bit as he tried to get close to Token.

"You alright?" Token asked with a hint of concern in his voice.

"Just a little sore…I guess" Clyde sighed.

Token sat up and patted Clyde's head with one of his hands in a comforting manner, Clyde smiled at him in response.

"Remember the time when you compared our penis sizes?" Token grinned.

"Of course." Clyde bitterly said, the smile he gave earlier fading away.

"I told you mine would still grow." Token teased.

" Fuck You."

* * *

Hi, I am new to writing fanfiction, so reviews and critiques or anything that can help to improve are much welcome. I wrote this short fic because I was a bit frustrated that the very first fanfiction I've wrote(which was a multi-chaptered fic) has the same scenario/plot as one of the the fics I have found here, I will still probably upload it after editing a few things because I thought that this type of thing happens all the time... but for now please enjoy this short one, which was obviously inspired by the season fifteen episode "T.M.I"

Yes these are their official penis sizes.


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